Another birthday has come and gone. Birthdays are a funny thing. When you are young, they cant come fast enough. "I can't wait until I'm old enough to go to school; spend the night at a friend's, see an R movie, drive; date; vote; leave home....the list goes on and on. It's funny how unhappy we seem to be with the age we are.
What amazes me is how "into" birthdays my students are. I teach middle school and let's just say the frenzy surrounding a birthday, especially the birthday of a teacher, is tantamount to a a swarm of bees excited because their nest has been knocked down. HAPPY BIRTHDAY is shouted at random times throughout the day/period. Well wishes are screamed down the hallway. There is also the obligatory birthday song every hour...not necessarily because they want to wish you happy birthday but because it is a calculating move to delay the day's lessons. Then upon hearing it's your birthday you get the autobiographical rants "I had a birthday last week", "My birthday is in May", "It's my dog's birthday...Tuesday, or is it Friday, or maybe Saturday, I think", "I want an iPod for my birthday". Of course those conversations branch off into the virtues of the iPod which morphs into who has the latest Eminem or Lil Wayne song, which turns into a "how to download music illegally" discussion. And all of this happens in a matter of minutes if left unchecked. Tired yet? Me too. Next year perhaps a gift to give myself would be a personal day!
Basically, at this point in my life, there is no giant swell of emotion for this day. I am obviously thrilled I'm still here, but the rush of excitement that the day held when I was younger has slowly changed into a day I refuse to cook dinner and a night when I pour a little extra wine into my glass. I like that part for sure. It's more of an introspective day now, too - like New Year's is for most people. Am I where I should be in life? Who measures that? What are my goals for the next year? What's my plan for how to accomplish them? Why in the world do I still feel like a 20 year old but that is not the image looking back at me from the mirror? Why didnt anybody tell me my eyebrows would eventually sag, along with my boobs?
I guess the biggest gift to give yourself on your birthday is the ability to enjoy where you are at that moment. Take stock, yes, but dont beat yourself up for a goal left unmet or a new gray hair or wrinkle. You are where you are supposed to be. Period. Sounds great, right? That is what I am striving to do.
However, in my darkest moments I do catch myself saying one thing again and again....I can't wait until I'm old enough to retire. :-)
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