A Prayer for My Son as He Enters His Junior Year in College

Dear God,

I can’t thank you enough for sending Conor into my life. And dear God, I also can’t thank you enough for the blessing of Mountain Dew, complete clicker control and a house that will now stay neat and tidy.

I pray that the people Conor encounters in college this year are patient and kind. That they see his smile and his open personality and don’t take advantage of him. I pray that his teachers have an endless supply of understanding when they read his essays, and that they comprehend that just because he is a poor speller doesn’t mean he’s an idiot. I pray that those hiring for on campus jobs understand that Conor moves at his own pace and that You, dear God, intercede and help him find work…even if he doesn’t want it. Cleaning toilets, Lord, would be a spectacular job and would basically kill two birds with one stone. See next paragraph, Lord.

Where I have failed in patience and understanding, I pray that his roommate Zach has the patience of Job. I wish Conor knew who Job was, Lord, but You and I both know that he hasn’t seen the inside of a church for quite some time. It makes me sad, too. Anyway, God, I pray that Zach won’t resort to violence when he finds endless supplies of empty Mountain Dew cans and random socks left in the most unusual of places. I pray that Conor, Lord, will not get ill and require antibiotics due to the fungus that will surely be growing in his room. Please protect him, Lord, for he knows not how to clean.

I pray that none of the criminals with whom Conor goes to school decide to steal his meds and sell them on the street. But if they do, Lord, I pray that the detective that comes to discuss my son with me is 40ish, single, tall and digs me.

I pray that Conor not get involved with hoochies and harlots. While things may have worked out for Jesus and Mary Magdalene, Lord, I would be at peace knowing Conor is free of disease. Open his eyes, dear God, and let him find somebody who is worthy of him. Close my mouth, dear God, that I might screw it up unintentionally.

I pray that Coach Clair realizes that he has a valuable asset in Conor, even if he isn’t playing basketball. But if he doesn’t, that at least Conor be allowed to finish his last two years in peace. Please grant Conor with patience and a civil tongue where Clair is concerned so that the term “douchebag” never leave his lips when addressing his coach.

I am not expecting my son to walk out of Bethany College a completely changed man, but I do pray that he realizes he has special gifts, that not all girls are psychotic, and that he is smarter than he gives himself credit for. I pray that he doesn’t lose his focus on his studies amidst the plethora of illegal activities he might partake in. I also pray that he learns the definition of the word “plethora”.

Finally, Lord, I pray that Conor understand just how much he means to both You and me. That we both love him unconditionally and are there to walk with him; You every minute, every day - me, when he needs me. Let him understand how much I will miss him and how I want nothing but the best for him. Make him realize that he needs to come home now and then to see his dogs…and me too, Lord.

In Jesus’ name I pray…Amen